Thinking vs. feeling

by markdavidedwards

Although my heart likes to think it’s driving my life, my brain occasionally wakes up with a snort in the passenger seat. Takes the wheel, turns up the radio, pulls off the highway and skims blind down the exit ramp.

Last week my brain hit the handbrake on an idea I had become attached to (I am parking the driving metaphor here).

It was not, as things literally never are, easy to understand. What resulted was a head / heart stalemate — the worst of the inter-organ stalemates.

Heart. AKQA had offered me a transfer to Amsterdam. (apartment included, new life flatpacked and ready for assembly).

Head. TBWA\Media Arts Lab had offered the chance to work on Apple, still in London, though better paid, and with sporadic travel to LA.

I turned it over, alone in my local drinking hole for a few evenings.

After a visit to Amsterdam two weeks ago (my first time getting stoned for years, and the hours of air-drums that had ensued), I had fallen in love with the idea of the place. With the nightlit canals and the feeling of exhaling London. I felt calm by the water. I thought of dogs and boats. Dogs on boats.

London has been doing my nut for a little while now, so the idea of escape was nice.

My brain had other ideas. The opportunity to challenge my self-imposed limits and boundaries, the opportunity to put a tiny dent in the universe, these things are interesting to me. These things are more useful to me perhaps, in the long term, than 3-euro pre-rolled joints and air-drums.

In the end, I chose TBWA and Apple over dogs and boats.

I’m still unsure about this.

So here I still am, high in the pointless clamour of Clerkenwell, and hitting the road for Soho soon. My brain had better be right.

I think it’s for the best. But then I would think that, seeing as I think with my brain.

I have yet to feel that way.

Anyway, it’s just a job. But I did love those canals.

I know I can still play air-drums in London, so I will be doing that a lot.

I begin my new life just after bonfire night.